HOLLYWOOD, CA
It’ll be a near empty theatre tonight as the half dozen or so Hollywood stars who didn’t get themselves cancelled this year gather to waltz down a socially distanced red carpet and pat themselves on the back for not putting their feet in their mouths.
“I’m really excited to be here,” said host Tina Fey. “It’s always good when you can make it a whole year without getting cancelled for saying something stupid.”
The crowd was reduced to just six or seven stars … and not because of Covid.
“No, they’re all at home licking their wounds after tweeting something ignorant and getting themselves canned,” said co-host Amy Poehler. “It’ll be an intimate event, but, hey, that won’t stop us from celebrating our profound and brilliant achievement of, umm…yeah, never mind…”
However, Golden Globe producers have assured audiences that the cancellations are not over yet.
“You’ve still got to get through your acceptance speech without saying something foolish,” said Fey. “And, I mean, for a Hollywood actor that’s almost impossible.”
Also hampering the evening is the fact that not a single American could identify even one movie that was released in the year 2020.