WINKLER, MB
Investigators have finally revealed just what was causing Mr. Neil Reimer’s wallet to grow to such an enormous size – Chicken Chef coupons.
“It all makes sense now,” said lead investigator Sheena Plett. “I’m just glad we could finally have a look at the contents of that man’s wallet. He’s got coupons in there from the 80s. Not to mention a half dozen Timmies cards with 10 cents on them and a library card he never uses.”
In addition to the Chicken Chef coupons, Plett also discovered fifteen gospel tracts and a “rent 9, get your 10th one free” VHS rental card.
“No wonder Mr. Reimer was experiencing back troubles,” said Plett. “It’s a good thing Winkler has plenty of highly trained trajchtmoakas who can fix a problem like that.”
Mr. Reimer has already sent photos of his wallet into the Guinness Book of World Records, but the Guinness folks are more than little skeptical.
“Something’s fishy here – what real authentic Mennonite doesn’t use up their coupons?” said Guinness spokesperson Saoirse Murphy. “Not to mention expired ones. What’s the point of that?”
Reimer says he has a perfectly reasonable explanation for the coupons and says he intends to waltz right into this local Chicken Chef and demand his expired coupons from the 1980s be honoured.
