SEATTLE, WA
Eager to win over some hockey fans in the Fraser Valley from the Vancouver Canucks, the owners of the NHL’s latest misguided attempt at making hockey work in a non-hockey market have decided to call the team the “Seattle Knackin'”.
“We know those Mennonites north of the border are big hackey fans, so we had to do something to appeal to them,” said Seattle General Manager Ron Francis. “You should see our mascot? We call him Knackin’ Kroeker!”
Knackin’ Kroeker and the Seattle Knackin’ will be lacing up their skates next season, but in the meantime, the team is desperately trying to get some fans.
“Free knackzoat with the purchase of any pair of tickets,” said Francis. “We’ll even throw in some Papsi and maybe even a Ravel on the side.”
Not willing to take this pilfering of hockey fans lying down, the Vancouver Canucks have announced a name change to the Vancouver Knacks.
“Let me tell you, the Knacks will destroy the Knackin’ any time they hit the ice,” said a big Vancouver fan from the Fraser Valley. “We’re so much more experienced with knacking zoat than they are down there. I bet most of them have hardly even heard of it!”
Seattle’s lone fan, who moved down there from Canada decades ago to become a barista, says he’s a fan of the new name and it doesn’t bother him at all that no one has a hot clue what it means.
(zoat photo credit: osseous/CC)