TOFIELD, AB
Mr. Jeremy Goerzen of Tofield, Alberta could not resist the siren call of Jello fruit salad this week and wound up hospitalized with a “really awfully tummy ache.”
“Oi yoi yoi, that was a bit much for me,” said Goerzen. “I should have stuck to the rolled up slices of processed ham. That Jello sure does a number on my system.”
Goerzen started to notice some troubles when his knisping finger began to veer sharply to the left.
“My alignment was all off,” explains Goerzen. “And later when my Dutch Blitz slapping speed was not up to snuff I knew there was a major problem once yet.”
Goerzen reportedly consumed two whole serving bowls of Jello fruit salad.
“They didn’t tell me these were for the whole group,” said Goerzen. “There was no spoon so I just took the whole thing.”
Meanwhile the Tofield Mennonite Ladies Auxiliary Faspa Committer scrambled to get more jello in production.
“They say you have to put it in the fridge over night,” said Mrs. Heidebrecht. “Well I know a few secrets that speed up the process.”
Mrs. Heidebrecht will not reveal her methods but hints that dry ice and copious amounts of pickling vinegar may be involved.