TORONTO, ON
Millions of Canadian baseball fans have lost their faith in journalism this weekend after sportswriters falsely reported the signing of superstar Shohei Ohtani by the Toronto Blue Jays.
“It’s like you can’t even trust what you read on Facebook anymore,” said devastated Blue Jays fan Brian Kroeker. “If I wanted to read bull shit on the Internet, I’d stick to that Andrew Unger fellow.”
Many of the sportswriters who prematurely reported the Ohtani signing have been given jobs at The Unger Review.
“I can always use another BSer around here,” said Unger. “Making up quotes and sources is our bread and butter.”
Those who didn’t get a job at The Unger Review are not out of luck, however, as they still have other employment opportunities.
“I hear they’re always looking for folks to predict election results,” said Unger.
Early reports indicate the sportswriters have signed contracts with The Unger Review worth upwards of $700 million, although that figure is considered about as reliable as their reportage on the whole Ohtani Blue Jays thing.
(photo credit: Mogami Kariya/CC)
