HOLLYWOOD, CA
After kissing a disinterested young man on American Idol this week, pop star Katy Perry has been sentenced to make out with 100 hairy Mennonite guys in suspenders and dirty rubber boots.
“It sounds pretty harsh, but I think the judge made the right decision here,” said prosecuting attorney, Peter Janzen. “Kissing a Mennonite man is the strictest punishment we have in the State of California.”
Perry’s lawyers tried to claim this was “cruel and unusual punishment” but, in the end, the judge said the punishment fit the crime.
“We’ll see how she feels about kissing people against their will after she’s done with these gruffy farmers,” said the judge. “I’m pretty certain Ms. Perry will be a lot more selective about her kissing partners in the future.”
The 100 Mennonite men will be selected at random for Perry Duty, and experts say their beards will be examined for maximum prickliness.
“The chafing is going to be pretty bad, not to mention the cold sores,” said Janzen. “Just ask any Mennonite woman. It ain’t pretty kissing a Mennonite man.”
Katy Perry says she’s never kissed a Mennonite before and doesn’t yet know if she’ll like it. However, she does admit to making out with a Hutterite guy on a dare back in her wild college days.
(photo credit: Eva Rinaldi/CC)