LANDMARK, MB
Due to lower birth rates and immigration from non-Mennonite sources, the small town of Landmark, Manitoba, once known for its abundance of Pletts, is on pace to be completely Plett-free by the year 2020.
“We’ve really got to do something about this,” said the town’s unofficial mayor Mr. Plett. “This place was once called Plettenville, you know.”
Once the town changed the name from Plettenville to Landmark, the residents could no longer ensure the same degree of Plettness as they previously could.
“We used to be 98% Plett around here,” said the mayor, “but over the years our Plett level has been watered down with Penners and Reimers and Warketins. At current rates, we will have no Pletts left in a few years.”
In order to address this problem, the town of Landmark is investing three million dollars to recruit Pletts who have left Landmark to return to the motherland. Massive billboards will be erected in Steinbach, Winkler and Blumenort, saying, “Pletts of the World! Unite!”
“I hope it’s not too late to address this problem,” said the Landmark mayor. “My hope is that the Pletts who’ve gone astray like the prodigal son will return, and like the father in the parable, we will greet our estranged relatives with open arms.”