OTTAWA, ON
After decades of division, it seems that someone has finally found a way to unite the left-leaning vote in Canada – a Goldman Sachs banker vowing to move the Liberal Party more to the right.
“I’ve voted NDP my whole life,” says area woman Cindy Kroeker, “but now that the Liberal Party has moved way to the right, I finally have a reason to vote for them.”
Kroeker was especially excited about abandoning her principles now that she found out there was very little difference between Mark Carney and the Conservative leader Pierre Poilievre.
“As a progressive, I find Carney’s experiences in high finance to be just what we need right now,” said Kroeker. “Who else but a banker is going to look out for the little guy?”
Kroeker is really hoping the NDP ceases to exist after the election.
“I don’t think we really need them anymore,” said Kroeker. “As a leftist, I’m more than happy to chose between two right wing parties from now on.”
With Carney in charge, the Liberal Party plans to rebrand as the Diet Conservative Party, a move that will apparently attract every last remaining progressive voter in the country.
(photo credit: Bank of England/CC)