STEINBACH, MB
As workers at Manitoba liquor stores have been on strike this week, thousands of Mennonites have been left without any place to cast sidelong glances and whisper disparaging remarks about their friends and neighbours.
“Every Saturday evening for the past ten years, I’ve been sitting at the Superstore parking lot taking note of all the license plates at the liquor store,” said Mrs. Schroeder. “And now they close the place down? I’ve really lost my sense of purpose.”
Schroeder is hoping that this strike is settled really soon, so she can go back to reporting all the drinkers to the church elders.
“Pastor David says that keen observational skills and a judgemental heart are my spiritual gifts,” said Schroeder. “It’s really a shame that my talents are going to waste this weekend.”
To make up for all her unused skills, Schroeder plans to be at church extra early tomorrow morning.
“If I can’t gossip about the Kehlers and their wine cooler purchases,” said Schroeder, “the least I can do is roll my eyes and gasp at all the women in tank tops at the service.”
Pastor David sent out an email to the entire congregation reassuring everyone that the church lobby will always be a welcoming place to gossip and judge each other.
(photo credit: Olga/CC)