LEAMINGTON, ON
Anabaptist families across North America are going to be glued to their TV sets tonight for the annual airing of the holiday classic ‘Grumpy Old Mennonites.’ The film stars Walter Neufeld and Jack Loeppky as two old Mennonite men who just can’t get along and complain about absolutely everything.
“It’s basically a documentary,” says Mrs. Plett. “There’s a reason this film is so popular around here. It’s like watching real life!”
The film features numerous scenes where Neufeld calls Loeppky “a hairy old schekjbenjel,” while Loeppky pummels him with last year’s stale new years kuchen.
“I know it’s supposed to be funny,” says Mrs. Plett, “but we just watch it to get tips on how to handle these kind of situations. Because for us, the problem of grumpy old Mennonite men is no laughing matter!”
Neufeld and Loeppky disagree about nearly everything and make sure to voice their disagreement loudly and at inappropriate times in public settings.
“Trudeau vs. Trump, vereniki vs. kielke, Maple Leafs vs. Vanapag Jats – you name it, they argue about it,” said Mrs. Plett. “They also love loudly pontificating on controversial social issues that they know little about other than what they saw on some stupid Internet meme.”
During the commercial breaks, the network is planning to hold a telethon to raise money to support families who have to suffer the presence of grumpy old Mennonites.
“Any donation helps,” says Mrs. Plett. “Even a dollar or two will get me that much closer to my goal of spending the holidays all alone on a secluded beach in the Caribbean.”