FRIEDENSFELD, MB
Renowned local trajchtmoaka Abe Unger has generated a lot of excitement in southern Manitoba this week with the release of his “amazing new miracle elixir that’ll cure you of everything from gullibility to taking the pastor’s word for it.”
“Oba jo! Finally I’ll be able to think for myself!” said local man Art Peters, as he forked over $69.99 for a mason jar full of the concoction. “The best thing is, I only have to buy a mason jar’s worth of this stuff about once a week or so and within five to ten years I’ll be completely free of any tendency toward gullibility.”
The eager customers were lined up down Mr. Unger’s driveway, as he regaled them with all the benefits of his elixir, and signed each one up for a monthly payment plan.
“Are you always falling for scams? Are you submitting personal information by clicking on suspicious-looking emails or purchasing alternative treatments for your back pain?” shouted Unger. “Are you believing whatever Pastor Dave tells you about the End Times and gender roles? Well, look no further, Unger’s Magical Mysterious Elixir will knock that gullibility right out of you!”
Unger has already made more than 300 grand from his new elixir and say he pans to use the profits to start a new Unger’s Magical Mysterious Church.
Upon announcing his new congregation, more than 1000 eager customers already signed up to become baptized members.