CHILLIWACK, BC
Pastor Dan has been called before the church elder board this week after a particularly long-winded sermon led to the destruction of more than a dozen Sunday roasts this past weekend.
“Mrs. Kroeker put her roast in before she and the family left for church in the morning and was fully expecting to come home and enjoy the meal upon their return,” said chief prosecutor Corny Fehr. “But it was not meant to be after the accused rambled on well past 12:30.”
In fact, Pastor Dan’s sermon was not finished until after 1 pm, which had parishioners antsy and eager to vacate the premises.
“We’d all like to hear his verse-by-verse exegesis of 2 Corinthians, but I’ve got a roast in the stove,” said Mrs. Kroeker. “And I know I’m no the only one.”
Unfortunately for the Kroekers it was too little too late, as the roast was completely ruined by the time they got back home.
“We tried to go to the White Spot,” said Mrs. Kroeker. “But you should’ve seen the lineup of Mennonites with ruined roasts.”
To address this dire problem, the North Chilliwack MBGC church will hiring official timekeepers to sit in the front pew and monitor sermon length. The timekeepers will check also be scrutinizing the sermon for correct doctrine while they’re at it.