AKRON, PA
Local man Dwayne Funk, 41, who has spent the last 20 years of adult life doing absolutely nothing of worth and whose life is still, to this day, just barely hanging on by a thread, is offering “life coaching” services via a video he just posted on Facebook.
“Is your life in shambles? Are you mismanaging your wealth?” asked Funk on the video that already had more than seven views. “Well, then follow me on Facebook and sign up for my life-changing life coaching. It’ll change my life…I mean your life.”
Funk has already authored a self-help book, which he will give to you for free when you sign up for an annual monthly fee of $45.
“Hey, I’m going to tell it to you straight. Anyone who says success is easy is lying to you,” said Funk. “I’m still driving an ’97 Impala, but with your help, I’ll change that.”
Several of Funk’s relatives have already signed up for the new service, although Funk claims that non-relatives and “other attractive women” are encouraged to take his course.
“I’ll be the mentor you and I have always needed,” said Funk.