WINNIPEG, MB
Local man Herman Toews never thought his casual comment about the weather would land him in jail, but he found out on Wednesday that complaining about the heat in a city known for its frigid winters is an arrestable offence.
“All I did was turn to my buddy Mike and say, ‘Boy, it sure is hot out today,’ and the next thing you know I was in cuffs,” said Toews. “Manitobans sure are defensive about their three days of summer.”
As temperatures have reached well above 30 degrees Celsius in the last few weeks, Manitobans are being reminded that complaining about the scorching heat means jail time.
“We’ve got snow ten months a year and you’re whining about a little sun!” said a sweaty and sunburnt Constable Friesen. “Not on my watch you don’t! The only kind of complaining I tolerate is moaning about our long cold winters. Anything else is simply unacceptable!”
Locals have even set up a community watch group to wander the streets of Winnipeg and look for anyone who might not be relishing our record-breaking hot summer.
“You better look like you’re enjoying it or we’re calling the cops,” said one volunteer. “If I see you reaching for that sun hat, you can better believe you’re going to Headingly!”
A local woman who said last week in a Facebook comment that she preferred the more moderate temperatures of autumn has already been sentenced to shovel snow all winter wearing nothing but a Shania Twain T-Shirt and a worn out pair of Lululemons.