MOSCOW, RUSSIA
US President Donald Trump is known for his incredible negotiating prowess, which has been on full display this week with Russian dictator Vladimir Putin.
“No one could have done it but me. No one. This is such a great deal,” said Trump. “All we had to do was give Putin literally everything he was asking for and a bit more.”
The deal has been heralded as a stunning showcase of Trump’s negotiating skills.
“Like I always say, play tough with your friends and let your enemies walk all over you,” said Trump. “By letting Putin get everything he wants, we really show off the strength of the mighty USA.”
Trump’s negotiating tactics include asking Putin what he wants and then immediately saying “yes.”
“That’s just the art of the deal,” said Trump. “I’m not sure anyone could have given Putin everything he wanted the way I have. It’s a real skill.”
Putin and Trump are already rumoured to be up for next year’s Nobel Peace Prize, which is generally awarded to folks who start, and then end, their own wars.