GOSHEN, IN
After receiving numerous complaints about the length and monotony of Pastor Johan’s sermons, the local MBB church had decided to hand out hundreds of fidget spinners to keep the people occupied at this morning’s service.
“To be honest, we’re desperate,” said church deacon Albert Steiner. “I mean you should hear this man’s sermons. Deadly. I don’t blame the people for becoming a little restless.”
Steiner expects the fidget spinners to be a big hit, especially in the men’s section.
“It has the added benefit of keeping eyes from wandering,” said Steiner. “You don’t want Mr. Bixler glancing over at the ladies when the sermon gets dull. Anything that keeps him on the straight and narrow is welcome in our church.”
Pastor Johan says he’s willing to give the fidget spinners a try.
“If it’s going to keep people awake while I preach, it means I can go well past 12 o’clock,” said the pastor. “If a fidget spinner keeps people listening while I drone on and on about The Book of Leviticus then so be it. Expect a 3 hour sermon this morning.”
At press time, church members were reportedly asking for refunds on the fidget spinners because they weren’t nearly powerful enough to combat the pastor’s tedious lecture on Levitical law.
(photo credit: by Robert Couse-Baker /CC)