HARRISONBURG, VA
A security blunder has revealed a Harrisonburg-area Mennonite church’s plans to spread peace and love in their community.
“I can’t say who sent it to me,” said journalist Andrew Unger. “All I know is they were hatching a plan to make the world a better place. Shocking!”
Discussions in the leaked group chat include plans for a nonviolent protest in Washington, a fundraising bake sale, and several instances where participants gave each other the “care” emoji.
“And there were plenty of quotes from the Beatitudes,” explained Unger. “I’m not sure how the public is going to respond when this info gets out.”
Early reports indicate the general public is very upset.
“We have a tradition of electing warmongers in this country,” said Mr. Harris. “We can’t have some Mennonite church’s talk of peace undermine the great strides we’ve made towards permanent war.”
The group chat also included other important discussions, such as kitchen cleanup this Sunday and who’s going to fold the bulletins.