MITCHELL, MB
Local grandma Mrs. Agnes Wiebe, 72, unleashed the harshest punishment known to Mennonites this week by making her misbehaving grandkids chew a piece of soap-flavoured Thrills gum for a full fifteen minutes.
“I don’t like to be so harsh on them,” said Mrs. Wiebe, “but after three stern warnings they still hadn’t cleaned up the toys and enough is enough. Out came the Thrills.”
Little Eric and Samantha screamed in horror when they saw the purple gum, having been made familiar with the substance once when their mother Ruth ran out of patience.
“They know what this gum package means,” said Mrs. Wiebe. “Sometimes all I have to do it just take it out of my purse and they’re instantly transformed into little angels.”
Despite her best efforts, however, this time Mrs. Wiebe’s plan backfired.
“I was about to punish Samantha for calling Eric “stupid,” which is a word they’re not allowed to say in this house, when I suddenly realized I was all out of gum,” said Mrs. Wiebe. “It seems Grandpa’s been stealing Thrills from my purse whenever I’m not looking.”
Studies confirm that every Mennonite person over 50 absolutely loves the stuff, while everyone under 50 finds it disgusting.