OTTAWA, ON
In response to Trump’s tariff threat, the Canadian government has appointed Corny Martens to clean up the huge mound of knackzoat leftover on the Gruenfeld ball diamonds last summer.
“It’s been there for a long time, way too long, that knackzoat,” said Trump. “They need to clean it up for once, too much knackzoat, very bad knackzoat. Shells everywhere. Very bad.”
The Zoat Czar will start work immediately, overseeing more than 10,000 people from the local Young People’s group who are tasked with shovelling up the sunflower shells.
“They’re going to work day and night until all the mountains of zoat are gone,” said Martens. “Those church softball tournaments sure get wild sometimes.”
The Knackzoat Czar will work hand in hand with the new Yerba Mate Czar and Papsi and Ravel Czar to really clean up this country.
At press time, the 10,000 volunteers had reportedly knacked so much zoat of there own that the pile was even larger than when they started.
(photo credit: osseous/CC)