GOESSEL, KS
Distraught at all the publicity this ‘Florida Man’ has been getting as of late, Colin Wiens, 22, of Goessel, Kansas decided he was going to get his name on the front page of all the papers, too.
“I don’t know who this ‘Florida Man’ is, but his antics are no match for a Mennonite man!” proclaimed Mr. Wiens. “When it comes to doing outrageous, foolhardy shenanigans, no one beats a Mennonite man!”
To demonstrate his commitment to the task, Wiens immediately hopped on a four-wheeler, did a few donuts in the yard and kissed his cousin Martha on the lips.
“I’ve got more where that comes from!” yelled Wiens. “Just wait’ll you see what I have in store for this Sunday’s faspa!”
With the cameras rolling, Wiens cruised on over to the barn where he attempted to milk three cows and a bull before noticing his mix-up.
“B-b-b-bay, you just ain’t seen nothin’ yet,” said Wiens. “Heck, I haven’t even been arrested yet!”
Wiens plans to turn himself in at the local police station tonight after getting a huge tattoo of Elder Peters on his back and taking his riding mower for a trip through Mrs. Doerksen’s begonias.
(photo credit: Ronald Plett/CC)