GOSHEN, IN
Local man and former church deacon Mr. Yoder was forced to go up in front of his congregation this week and apologize after it was discovered he had voted Democrat in two of the last three Presidential elections.
“Please, please! I beg your forgiveness!” exclaimed a noticeably distraught Yoder to the angry mob in the pews. “I hope that you can look past this and allow me back into fellowship with this congregation.”
For some reason no Mennonite has ever voted anything but Republican for the past four decades.
“Other than a few Libertarians which we tolerated in the 1990s, every member of our congregation has voted nothing but Republican for ages,” said Elder Eby. “Can’t that man read? It’s right in our church constitution!”
Yoder pleaded his case, but the crowd would have none of it, with some members demanding that he have his Sunday School teaching privileges revoked immediately.
“Over the years, we’ve had a lot of sinners come up here and confess a whole lot of things: infidelity, theft from the church treasury, marrying an Englisher,” said Elder Eby. “But never in all my years have I heard of a Mennonite voting Democrat!”
Mr. Yoder is currently being detained in the nursery room downstairs while he awaits his fate.
