RIVERTON, MB
For years Mr. Plett and Mr. Smith have had a friendly rivalry about which one of them was the most righteous man in the Interlake region of Manitoba. Well, that rivalry was finally put to the test this week, when Mr. Smith, a longtime Baptist, and Mr. Plett, a devout Mennonite, met in Riverton to see who could nurse a single bottle of beer the longest.
“We started Wednesday afternoon when I cracked open the bottles, poured the frothy beverages into a couple glasses and we just sat their ‘shooting the shit,'” said Mr. Smith, who was deducted ten “righteousness points” for using that expression. “I knew my friend Harold here would eventually get thirsty.”
Mr. Smith plied his rival with extra salty zoat and sat him down in the sunniest part of the patio.
“He’s a fierce competitor, though,” said Mr. Smith. “He’s had years of practice nursing beverages.”
The competition extended late into the night, with the two men swirling their glasses, but neither man taking a sip.
“By Thursday morning, we were both still going strong, but I could Mr. Smith beginning to crack,” said Mr. Plett. “He really started to froth at the mouth when I opened up a discussion on baptismal method. I knew it was only a matter of time before he’d reach for the glass!”
A while later, Mr. Smith just couldn’t take it any more and downed the glass in one shot.
“I’ve got to hand it to them,” said Mr. Smith. “Those Mennonites sure can nurse a root beer.”