LEAMINGTON, ON
Local man Henry Harder has guaranteed himself a spot in Heaven after successfully attending those really boring Sunday evening church services for twenty years straight.
“I’ve made it! I’ve finally made it!” shouted Harder as he galloped through the East Leamington MBCM foyer. “Two decades of sitting through evening services and watching Mrs. Peters pick cottage cheese out of her false teeth during faspa has finally paid off!”
Harder viewed evening services as a sort of penance and feels that he had more than enough torture to warrant a spot in glory.
“I sat there. I listened to the boring songs and boring sermons when I’d rather be watching W5,” said Harder. “Now I get to spend eternity singing those same songs and listening to those same sermons. It’s going to be great!”
The MBCM Conference has yet to confirm his position in Heaven, and suggests that people can earn their spot by tithing regularly and refraining from swearing.
“Attending boring evening services is just one way to get into Heaven,” said MBCM Conference Pastor Dave Schellenberg. “Other options include singing in an all-male quartet, lifelong abstinence, and spending thirty or more years on the mission field.”
Harder is already considering eating really unhealthy and taking unnecessary risks to hasten the day.
(photo credit: by quinn.anya 
