SCHANZENBERGENFELD, MB
Peter Dueck, 72, of Schanzenbergenfeld has spent all summer, wearing nothing but a pair of white briefs, and sitting in his front lawn staring at his neighbours. In that time, Dueck has consumed more than 75 bags of knackzoat and gained more than 30 pounds.
“It’s a sight to behold,” said neighbour Mr. Wiebe. “There he is in that lawn chair with his tighty whiteys. He’s there when I get up and he’s there when I go to bed.”
Peter Dueck says sitting in his front lawn wearing gitch is more entertaining than what passes for television these days and hopes that others will join him.
“Ach, it’s too hot to wear slacks,” said Dueck. “Besides, I get a nice tan while watching the neighbours take out the garbage and cook their wieners.”
Although there have been some efforts to put an end to Dueck’s disturbing behaviour, local authorities say he hasn’t broken any laws.
“The right to knack zoat in your gitch is written right into the Schanzenbergenfeld town charter,” said Constable Penner. “I really wish he wouldn’t do it, but there’s nothing we can do but close our eyes.”
Dueck, on the other hand, is always keeping his eyes wide open in case anything interesting happens on his block, so he can report it to Mrs. Klassen over on Friesen Street who sits in her front lawn all day wearing nothing but a slip and brown nylons.