WINKLER, MB
Reverend Toews of Vankla is praising his young people for maintaining the Mennonite tradition of not making any physical contact with the opposite sex. Recently, the phenomenon of the ‘hover hand’ was brought to his attention, which he praised as “the most Biblical way to take a picture.”
“I’m so glad to see the hover hand return to our society,” said Toews. “Back in my day, whenever a young woman would ask to take a selfie with you, as a chaste young man, I automatically placed my hands near but not actually on, the young woman’s shoulder. Us Mennonites invented the hover hand.”
Toews says more young people should practice the hover hand, but he said there was more that could be done.
“We also need to bring back the side hug,” said Toews. “Oh, and the six inch rule!”
After Toews’ stirring sermon on hover handing, even the old people were seen hover handing in the church lobby the next Sunday.
“I’m even doing the hover hand with my own wife,” said Uncle George. “It gives a good example to the young unmarried couples.”
Uncle George’s wife Tina said she was grateful that George was practicing the hover hand in church but wishes he’d keep his hands to himself during Sunday afternoon meddachschlop as well.
