TORONTO, ON
Under the leadership of controversial minister and self-proclaimed prophet Claas Epp, a fringe Mennonite sect from Southern Ontario has walked all the way from Leamington to Toronto to await the rapture.
“My cousin Johan lives in Toronto and told me there were signs up all over town and everyone was talking about the ‘Toronto Raptures,'” explained Epp. “So I told to my congregation, ‘Brothers and sisters, we need to go east and see these raptures for ourselves.'”
The ‘Toronto Raptures’ have been appearing quite frequently in the last few months and the Mennonites were concerned they might miss out if they didn’t arrive in Toronto soon.
“We never know when the Lord will say, ‘Alright, that’s it, no more Toronto Raptures,'” said Claas Epp. “I hear that’s what happened in Vancouver.”
The group has set up camp outside the Scotiabank Arena where they are selling quilts to “all these strange looking city people.”
“They go into that building,” explained Epp. “And when they come out three hours later, they’re totally intoxicated. Something miraculous must be happening in there.”
The sect has been in Toronto for a week and has not yet been raptured, but they need not be so worried, as the Toronto Raptures are expected to go deep into the playoffs this year.
(photo credit: Keith Allison/CC)
