MILWAUKEE, WI
After the complete and utter incompetence of the Secret Service was on full display this weekend, Presidential hopeful Donald Trump has hired a crack team of Mennonite dudes in suspenders as his new security team.
“Well, except of course for counter-sniper duties,” said Trump. “For obvious reasons.”
The team of Mennonites from Kansas in long beards will surround Trump at all upcoming political rallies and events.
“We’ve got them sitting in chairs on the stage,” said Trump. “Kind of like the faasenjas at the front of the congregation.”
After a practice speech, in which several of the Mennonite men asked the audience to turn in their hymnals to Nun danket alle Gott, the Mennonite security team became more comfortable with their duties.
“We don’t do much, really. We’re just supposed to watch the audience for any shenanigans,” said Mr. Penner. “It’s okay. It’s more or less what I do every Sunday already.”
