CUAUHTEMOC, MEXICO
After a disastrous last place finish at Paris 20224, Team Mexico says this is the last time they will let a Mennonite woman onto the national breakdancing team.
“I’m not sure what they were expecting,” said Tina Wiens, who finished 24 out of 24 competitors. “I came straight off a farm north of Cuauhtemoc. I did my best. What else do they want from me?”
When the music starting playing, Wiens hurled off her shoes and began flailing around randomly, just like she did with the Kroeker boys back home when the elders aren’t watching.
“I lost five points for having dirt on my feet,” said Wiens. “And another 10 for singing along loudly out-of-key.”
There was considerable controversy about the outcome, however, as it was revealed that 7 out of 10 judges were from the colony in Mexico.
“They’re trying to nip this dancing in the bud,” said Wiens. “No wonder they gave me a worse score than Team Australia.”
Wiens was immediately excommunicated upon her return home, though she will be reinstated so long as she gives private dancing lessons to the Klassen sisters.