WATERLOO, ON
Mrs. Eby is facing intense scrutiny this week after it was revealed she hasn’t made her own crust since 1987.
“Ach, why bother making a crust from scratch when you can buy a pre-made one, put it in the freezer, and haul it out when needed?” explained Mrs. Eby. “Making crusts is for suckers!”
However, the elder board at the local Mennonite church did not see it that way.
“Making crusts keeps women from sin and temptation. It says so right in Leviticus somewhere!” said Elder Funk. “Around here, we do things the hard way!”
The church has decided to shun Mrs. Eby until she agrees to make her crusts from scratch, although rumour has it that a shunning can also be avoided with a surreptitious supply of Mrs. Eby’s butter tarts.
“We’ll consider rescinding the shunning if her delicious butter tarts show that she’s sufficiently remorseful,” said Elder Funk. “And they better not have raisins!”
Mrs. Eby agreed to do some baking, but did not inform the elders that her new recipe draws significant inspiration from a certain notorious scene in The Help.