GOESSEL, KS
With a trade war on the horizon, Mennonites across North America are looking for ways to keep out of the whole mess and preserve their pacifist values.
“I’m thinking of going to the Conscientious Objector camp in the Rockies,” said Abe Dueck of Winkler. “I’ll just wait out this whole trade war thing with a bag of Ronnie’s zoat – Canadian made, of course.”
South of the Canadian border, the US government has already initiated Trade War Selective Service, which has several bold young Mennonites taking a stand.
“Fifty years ago I would have dodged the draft in Canada, but I guess that’s out of the question at the moment,” said Peter Wiebe of Goessel, Kansas. “I guess I’ll just have to burn my trade war draft card in the town square and hope they catch the drift.”
US officials hope to draft as many young soldiers into their trade war as they can.
“Hey, you know a trade war is not unlike a real war,” said White House spokeswoman Karoline Leavitt. “Years from now, when we sift through the wreckage and examine all the destroyed lives, we’ll all look back and wonder what the hell was the point of all that.”
(Photo credit: by edlf2005/CC)
