OTTAWA, ON
The new Canada Food Guide was released this week and is already causing quite the stir. The new guidelines suggest that Canadians should eat more vegetables and whole grains, while “making water your drink of choice.” Molson Canadian drinkers were particularly excited about the news.
“Finally the Canada Food Guide is acknowledging what we’ve known all along,” said a local curler named Dwayne. “Drinking a few Molsons is really healthy for you!”
The food guide’s famous food groups are now gone, but luckily for Dwayne and his buddies, Molson Canadian is now a food group on its own.
“I’m disappointed they removed meat, but I’m glad they’re encouraging the consumption of flavourless watery beer!” said Dwayne. “Let me tell you, the dudes on my curling team will be paying a lot closer attention to the Canada Food Guide from now on!”
The Canadian government says the new guide will give Canadians a competitive advantage over their neighbours to the south.
“We’re a nation of Molson drinkers. This means we consume, on average, more water per capita than any other country on the planet,” said a government spokesperson. “And those water-usage stats don’t even include Labatt Blue.”
In other news, the Surgeon General of the United States is encouraging Americans to consume as much Bud Light as possible in order to remain as hydrated as the Canadians.
(photo credit: Sam Cavenagh,modified/CC)
