MOSCOW, RUSSIA
The friendly staff at Kuntsevo Independent Living Community in Moscow are welcoming brutal dictators from around the world to experience the comforts and ease of retirement at their lovely new campus.
“Each suite will feature full kitchen and fridge and an in-suite washer and dryer,” said condo manager Arina Popova. “It’s perfect for the tyrant who needs to settle down a little.”
The complex also features a meal plan, easy golf course access in summer and, of course, pickleball.
“Come relieve the stress of your decades of barbaric oppression,” said Popova. “You won’t find a location like it anywhere else in the world.”
The apartment also offers Assisted Living services for despots who need a bit of extra assistance with their day to day tasks.
“Hey, it’s Russia. There isn’t anywhere else on earth that loves our dictator like we do,” said Popova. “I think you’ll find that we really do know how to treat an autocrat.”
Upon their demise, dictators also have the option of having their bodies pumped full of chemicals and displayed in the middle of Red Square for all to see.
