WASHINGTON, DC
There has been much mystery and speculation surrounding the authorship of an anonymous editorial in the New York Times recently. The op-ed stated that someone was working “from the inside” to bring down the Trump administration. At it turns out the anonymous op-ed writer was none other than our very own Mrs. Friesen of Winkler!
“The authorship should have been obvious by the use of so many Plautdietsch phrases,” says CNN analyst Don Lemon. “I’m not sure how we missed ‘Nah, junges! Oba, Donald, nijch goot.”
Mrs. Friesen, 85, was hired by the Trump administration to make quilts and doilies for the West Wing, but now says she’s actually been covertly working to undermine his leadership.
“Covfefe? That was all my doing!” said Mrs. Friesen. “I’ve also been swapping out his dills with bread and butter pickles and replacing the sugar cubes with salt licks!”
It seems Mrs. Friesen’s tactics have been successful, as the administration has never before been in quite such a precarious position as it is now.
“Oh, and those quilts I’ve been making? They’re not half as warm as the ones I’ve been making for the grandkids!” says Mrs. Friesen. “That’ll show him!”
After news of the op-ed was released, Mrs. Friesen was immediately signed to a multi-million dollar advertising contract with Nike.