GREENLAND, MB
The Toews family of Greenland was sent into crisis mode this Friday evening after a jar of salsa was discovered on the table next to the farmer sausage.
“I’m shook to the core,” said Elmer Toews, patriarch of the family. “I’m not sure how this got on the table or even what is it, exactly, but it seems far too flavourful to belong in a Mennonite meal.”
Toews says he tried out a little bit on the corner of his plate, but immediately recoiled at the medium spice.
“I’ve seen some of the Penners use ketchup,” said Toews. “And that’s unforgivable enough. But salsa? I’m not even sure how it got into the house.”
Mrs. Toews says it’s been in the back of the pantry for a while, but claims she, too, does not know how it got there.
“Maybe one of our teenage sons picked it up on his trip to the big city … of Steinbach,” said Toews. “There are bad influences everywhere.”
The Toews are worried that the next thing you know, they’ll be bringing tortilla chips into the house and who knows what’ll happen after that.
“I’m going to have a talk with the cousins in Chihuahua,” said Toews. “I have a suspicion they might have something to do with this.”
Rumour has it the salsa was left in the pantry after the Toews family gathering this summer, and some are even saying it may be revenge for the time the Canadian Toewses left a whole case of butter tarts at their relative’s home just outside Cuauhtemoc.