ALTONA, MB
Local bachelor Timothy Wiebe, 23, of Altona is sticking to his guns and showing up to church every Sunday hoping and praying that a young woman his age will miraculously appear. Wiebe has been an active member of West Altona EMB since he was a child, but is starting to lose his patience.
“Don’t get me wrong, I love seniors,” said Wiebe. “But just once I’d love to see a hipster girl in skinny jeans sit across the aisle from me and pass the offering plate.”
Wiebe is West Altona’s token young person, and the seniors are desperate to keep him around.
“I keep telling him, ‘Oh, don’t you worry, Timothy. Someday your princess will come. Just wait and see what the Lord has in store for you!” said Mrs. Klassen. “I’m not really so optimistic, but I want to keep him attending our church. He’s the only one who knows how to operate the overhead projector.”
Occasionally Mrs. Klassen will invite her grand-daughter Bethany to church, just to give young Timothy some hope.
“Bethany’s engaged to some guy from Germany,” said Mrs. Klassen. “But I bring her around anyway. It keeps Timothy interested in church.”
Timothy recently announced that if he’s not engaged by the end of summer he’s going to try his luck at the Morden bar.