WASHINGTON, DC
Observations into deep space have recently uncovered strong evidence that Mennonites are all living in a parallel universe where time runs backwards.
“According to our studies, it seems that the Big Bang created a mirror universe that trapped Mennonites in the 16th century and in many cases pushed them even further back in time than that.”
It is believed that a second, albeit lesser Big Bang, occurred somewhere around the 1520s in Switzerland and has been hurling Mennonites back in time ever since.
“I mean, you should see how out of date Mr. Friesen’s F-150 is. And those flower dresses the Goertzens wear? Not to mention the fact that Mrs. Loewen’s still listening to a Bible on tape from the 1980s!”
This, coupled with rather backwards teachings by some of the church elders, provided further proof of the Mennonite Mirror Universe.