LEAMINGTON, ON
Thomas, 19, and Mary, 18, got married just seven months ago and have invited all the Fehrs and a few Friesens over for the “Faith Reveal Party” of their first child this Sunday afternoon.
“Oba, well, all the Englishers like to have a big surprise telling everyone if it’s a boy or a girl,” said Mary Fehr, “but I think it’s much more interesting to reveal an infant’s religion!”
The Friesens and Fehrs have gathered at Point Pelee National Park where Mary will smash a piñata and reveal whether their newborn is some kind of Mennonite, Lutheran, or, worse case scenario, a “complete heathen.”
“I’ll be excited no matter what the piñata says,” says eager grandmother Gertie Fehr. “As long as that child is healthy and is baptized upon confession of their faith just before their wedding I’ll be one happy grandmother.”
Ultrasound technology is apparently so advanced that is can predict a child’s religion with 99% accuracy.
“We can even tell whether your child will stay with the Mennonite church or be lured by the fog machines over at the non-denominational megachurch just as soon as they turn 18,” said Dr. Thiessen, who pioneered the Faith Reveal Ultrasound. “We can even predict a teary death-bed conversion at the age of 90.”
The Fehrs are really hoping the new baby is a committed EMBBCer, though an EMBCer or MCCUSAAOKAYer will also be satisfactory.