WASHINGTON, DC
A brand new 2020 election poll has 2016 Democratic nominee Hillary Clinton with a commanding lead over Donald Trump. The poll, which apparently is accurate 99 times out of a 100, gives Clinton a 91% chance of winning the 2020 presidential election.
“We’re determined to get it right this time,” said the pollster. “We’ve update our methods and now we’re really certain our data is correct. Just trust me, Hillary’s got this thing in the bag.”
The pollsters are absolutely confident they won’t mess things up royally like they did last time.
“This is our most accurate poll yet,” said a spokesperson. “We fired all the people who got it wrong last time, so now we’re really certain Hillary’s going to come out on top! Heck, she’s got five votes in this office here alone!”
In addition to a sizeable three point margin over Donald Trump, the new poll shows Hillary with a five point lead over candidate Barry Goldwater, ten points over Bob Dole, and a whopping twenty point lead over presidential hopeful Thomas E. Dewey.
“These truly are unprecedented times. We’ve never seen numbers like this before. Come November 4th there’s going to be a new president in the oval office and we’re absolutely sure her name will be Hillary Rodham Clinton! I’ll gladly stake my reputation on it.”
(photo credit: Laurie Shaull/CC)