ALTONA, MB
It’s the hottest TikTok account in Altona and it features videos of a Mennonite woman just sitting there perfectly still for ten to fifteen seconds.
“Wow, did you see that crazy video of Mary Froese!” said Altona social media enthusiast Susan. “You should see her sitting there prayerfully resisting the urge to dance.”
The videos feature the catchiest new pop songs and yet, still, Mary Froese just sits there.
“She has a remarkable talent,” said Susan. “I mean, it’s not everyone who can listen to the new Harry Styles track without at least tapping their feet. But Mary Froese. Wow! I could watch her videos all day!”
Mary Froese attributes her TikTok success to years of practice and residual guilt from a traumatic experience in Sunday School as a kid.
“I was caught humming along to a Britney Spears song during an outing to the fabric store,” said Froese. “After that they put me on faspa clean up duty for months. Ever since then I haven’t been able to move my body in anything that might resemble a rhythmic motion.”
Mary Froese’s TikTok account is the second most popular Mennonite TikTok account after one that features videos of nothing but Mennonite men eating too far into the green part of the watermelon.