HOLLYWOOD, CA
Michael Bay is set to direct a brand new Transformers movie that features Mennonites who miraculously transform into pious and righteous individuals for just one hour every Sunday morning.
“They can throw on a tie and stub out their cigarettes pretty fast,” said Bay. “I mean if you judge based on their answers during Sunday school, you wouldn’t ever suspect what they’re up to on Friday nights at the Morden bar.”
The Mennonite transformers are ability to disguise their true selves while singing “Blessed Assurance” between 10 and 11 every Sunday, without a single church elder suspecting that they’re totally hung over from that epic party at the pits the night before.
“The worst of all are the Deceptikrahns,” explained Bay. “They’ve got the whole church thinking they’re just a mild-mannered family man, meanwhile you should see how they treat their employees the rest of the week.”
Bay plans to gather a theatre-full of Mennonite pastors to watch Transformers: Rise of the Wiebes this Saturday night and then passionately rail against movie-watching in their sermons on Sunday morning.