BOSTON, MA
After Elon Musk accidentally slashed the job of US President this week, Donald Trump has sought work elsewhere – the marketing department of the NHL.
“After fomenting hatred between countries that once were allies, he really got eyeballs glued to that game last night,” said NHL Commissioner Gary Bettmann. “Hatred between Canadians and Americans is really what makes this game special.”
The NHL has had a hard time getting anyone to care about the All Star Game, so inciting animosity between nations is a perfect solution.
“We’re going to get him working on the Swedes next,” said Bettman. “Maybe threaten to take Gotland or something.”
The NHL has stated their goal is to spread a love of hockey, as well as hatred of other nations, to all corners of the globe by 2030.
“There’s a reason we left out the Russians,” said Bettman. “Gotta get them all bitter and angry for the next tournament. Although the way things are going, I think we might just team them up with the Americans.”
While Canadians spent all night celebrating their team’s victory, most Americans said they just found out about the game sometime this morning over breakfast.