SEATTLE, WA
Mennonite hog farmers across North America are ecstatic at the new opportunity to sell their old dirty sweaty jeans at a huge profit to Nordstrom.
“I don’t know why those English want our old barn jeans, but if they’re willing to pay $600, I’m willing to sell,” said Dwight Klassen of Meade, Kansas. “The hog prices have not been great lately, so it’ll be nice to get some extra income.”
In order to qualify, Mennonite farmers must agree to wear the jeans for at least a full week while feeding the hogs and pitching hay. Any time spent on the manure spreader draws a premium.
“By the time I’m done with them, I’m gonna have these jeans so caked in shit they’ll pay me a $1000,” said Klassen. “If they want tears and holes in them, I can give them that, too!”
Nordstrom has been actively seeking dirty Mennonite jeans to sell, and are currently accepting shipments of unwashed garments at their Seattle headquarters.
“Our customers know good quality clothes when they see it, and Mennonite-worn garments are a hot commodity right now,” said a Nordstrom spokesperson. “We’re also interested in leaky rubber boots and pre-dirtied diapers.”
Nordstrom also said they’d be willing to take “absolutely anything” you may have purchased at the recent MCC Store bag sale.
