DALLAS, TX
The ministerial team at Waters of Blessing church in Dallas, Texas have decided it was time to clarify their message to the world. In a stirring sermon this Sunday, the church outlined their clear position of opposing everything Christ ever stood for.
“Lest anyone think we’re alone in our upending of Christ’s teachings,” said Pastor Joseph, “I believe I can demonstrate quite clearly that we are caretakers of a longstanding Christian tradition of doing the opposite of everything Christ taught.”
To bolster his point, the pastor held a pro-war rally in the church coffee shop/bookstore later that afternoon.
“We’re also making sure to judge everyone that walks through these doors,” said Pastor Joseph. “It may look like we’re being friendly, but trust me, we’re taking notes of all the things you’ll need to change if you want to continue attending.”
Rather than sell all their possessions and give the money to the poor, the church just began a $500 million capital campaign to upgrade the sound system and install some really epic pickleball courts in the gym.
Joseph acknowledges the decline in religious practice in recent decades, and says he wants America to return to the days when disregarding the teachings of Christ and still calling yourself a Christian was commonplace.