PARIS, FRANCE
An alleged mockery of the most sacred painting in the Mennonite art canon has come under fire this week, calling for boycotts of the Olympic games by various Mennonite groups. The painting in question is the “Menno Preacher Anslo and His Wife,” by Rembrandt van Rijn, which depicts a Mennonite preacher explaining the good and proper duties of a Mennonite wife.
“I was shocked when I saw it. They had updated the whole thing with modern clothes and a harmonious and equal relationship between the husband and wife. It was disgusting,” said Mennonite art critic Abe Peters. “I love to watch the opening ceremonies, but I had to shut it off lest my Agatha got any ideas.”
The shocking tableau stirred up quite the controversy that the entire Mennonite population of France up in arms.
“All seven of us where there,” said Peters. “We won’t have Preacher Anslo mocked without a fight.”
The event organizers say there was some confusion about the whole thing.
“We weren’t parodying Rembrandt. We’d never think of doing such a thing,” said President Macron. “I think if you look at little closer, you’ll see that it was nothing more than an innocent spoof of Albrecht Durer.”
The Mennonite protestors left after a few hours saying the only one who was allowed to satirize the Mennonites was Andrew Unger, though, when necessary, they weren’t above sending him an angry email or two as well.