PARIS, FRANCE
After six months of nearly empty streets in her home town, Juliette Martin, 31, of Paris, France has decided that if the tourists ever come back she’s going to be nice to them and not scold them for their French Canadien accents.
“Ugh, it’s dead here. There’s no one on the streets to buy my fromage et jambons crepes,” said Martin. “And worse, there’s not a single soul I can speak condescendingly to!”
Ms. Martin has been getting her friends to pose for pictures in front of local landmarks, just so she can walk by and scoff and not offer to take a picture for them because she’s really busy and can’t be bothered.
“The worst thing is, with no tourists, I have absolutely no one to point in the wrong direction from the Centre Pompidou,” said Martin. “Being rude to tourists is the only thing that gets me up in the morning.”
New York City residents are apparently experiencing similar feelings, and both cities vow to treat everyone like a human being if and when anyone decides to return to these cities.
“Please come back!” said Martin. “This city is just not the same without Americans in Hawaiian shirts gawking at us on the Champs-Élysées from the top of one of those hop-on hop-off buses.”