OCCUPIED MORDEN TERRITORY, MB
After decades of tension between the neighbouring Pembina Valley communities, representatives from Morden and Winkler have sat down at the negotiating table in Walhalla, North Dakota with hopes of bringing lasting peace to the area.
“Things became very heated between Winkler and Morden in the last several months, especially after the federal government listed Morden as a ‘suburb’ of Winkler in the last census,” said Pembina Valley political expert George Friesen. “Thankfully, both sides are now ready to talk.”
Winklerites have accused Mordeners of corrupting their children with corn, apples, and beer, while Mordeners accuse Winklerites of being a little uptight. The hope is that the Walhalla talks with bring about positive relationship between the two neighbours.
“For years, Winklerites have been taking over Morden, telling us ‘don’t do this and don’t do that’ or ‘the Bible says such and such,’ but it’s time we truly gained our independence,” said Morden’s top negotiator Mr. Cornapple. “Let’s just remember, Morden was here long before the Mennonites ever arrived!”
Many in Winkler, however, believe the Pembina Valley is their promised land and are not willing to concede.
“First we were in Belgium and Holland, then Prussia, then Ukraine, then when we first came over we were in the East Reserve for a while,” said Mr. Klassen of Winkler, “but oba, the land was swampy and no good for farming so we came over here to the West Reserve. This truly is our Promised Land!”
Mr. Klassen is thinking of starting a kibbutz near Morden, but the Hutterites have claimed a monopoly on any communal living in the area. The talks will resume after church on Sunday, but critics are not optimistic.