GOSHEN, IN
More than a dozen Mennonite ladies were taken into custody last night after police were called to break up the wildest Tupperware party Goshen has ever seen.
“We were alerted to the problem at about 7:15 pm,” said Constable Bender. “We received reports of loud uncontrolled screaming and possible gun fire. When we arrived, Mrs. Yoder had Mrs. Hostetler in a headlock. Apparently, there was some disagreement over the ownership of a pair of avocado green Tupperware bowls.”
The ladies, all members of West Goshen MC, began the evening with the peaceful drinking of punch and perusal of the latest cookie-cutter shapes, but by 7:00 the tension spilled over into violence.
“That’s my deviled egg carrier, Dorothy!” screamed Mrs. Steiner before socking Mrs. Wisler right in the eye. “And don’t you dare even think of touching my plastic orange peeler!”
When Mrs. Wisler retaliated by throwing a chair in Mrs. Steiner’s direction, which crashed through the living room window, the neighbours called the cops.
“I’ve never seen anything like it my all years,” said Constable Bender. “It was a truly gruesome scene of elderly Mennonite ladies, Tupperware lids, and brown pantyhose in all levels of disrepair.”
It’s not known whether the ladies will be released in time for their performance in the church choir this Sunday. Police have also held Mrs. Yoder’s husband Harold on suspicion of spiking the punch.
(photo credit: by West Midlands Police/ CC)