WAUTDESCHISSJAT, SK
Politicians across Canada are eagerly courting the Mennonite vote by wording things in such a way that sounds kind of Mennonite when they say it.
“I’m not actually changing my policies at all, but I am ending every sentence with a hearty ‘oba yo,'” said one local candidate. “I’m pretty sure that should do the trick.”
Candidates of red and blue and orange and green (and even some purple) have been knocking on doors in hope of getting a few Mennonite votes.
“And if there’s one thing I learned, is that we’re all a little too colourful,” said one local door-knocker. “I think these Mennonites will be much more likely to open the door if I’m wearing black.”
The candidates have also been trained to speak in kind of vague terms about military investments and to really beat around the bush and suss things out a bit before giving any definitive answers about social issues.
“These Mennonites are a difficult bunch to figure out. It’s almost like they have their own minds and a diversity of opinion or something.”
Meanwhile, thousands of Canadian Mennonites believe they have an exclusive right to determine what constitutes a “Mennonite value” in the first place.
