WASHINGTON, DC
This week President Trump bolstered his stance as the most ‘pro-life President the country has ever seen’ by praising heartbeat bills, ordering a bucket of Chick-Fil-A, and signing a massive new arms deal with some crackpot dictatorship across the globe.
“I’m super pro-life. Tremendously pro-life. There’s no one more pro-life than me,” said Trump, devouring a drumstick. “That’s why we’re selling arms to brutal regimes who slaughter innocent people. Makes sense, right?”
Trump says he’s all for human rights, just so long as you haven’t actually been born yet.
“But after that, you’re fair game,” said Trump. “Come on now, if you’re walking around minding your own business and some dictator drops one of our American-made bombs on you, that’s your own problem!”
Trump says he has tremendous respect for the values and human rights records of all the countries he does business with.
“Hey, the Saudis haven’t bounced a check yet,” said Trump. “What more can a President ask for?”
(photo credit: Gage Skidmore/CC)