ALTONA, MB
Protesting the high cost of sunflower seeds, angry Mennonites hurled margarine containers of warmed-up cabbage borscht at the giant Van Gogh painting in Altona, Manitoba this morning.
“Well, they attempted to, anyway,” said Mr. Friesen, head of the Altona Association for the Preservation of Friesens. “That painting is pretty big and their arms are not that strong.”
The soup-hurlers were promptly arrested and charged with misuse of borscht.
“Think of all the hungry Mennonites who could be fed with all that borscht,” said Friesen. “Not to mention, all the hours these Altona Omas spent picking cabbages. What a waste …”
Still, the protest did not go unnoticed by the local zoat knacking community.
“I don’t agree with their methods, but their message is absolutely correct,” said yet another Mr. Friesen. “Martha and I used to knack a bag of zoat every evening, but now we’ve got to make it last two, maybe even three days. The piles of zoat in our backyard pale in comparison to the glory days of the 1980s when we’d knack zoat with reckless abandon.”
After the incident, local police discovered the remains of several margarine containers of borscht, which they plan to heat up and enjoy at the Friesen gathering this weekend.